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I Know What I'm Not

by Life Lessons

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    Physical copy of 07/01/16 release "I Know What I'm Not"

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credits

released July 1, 2016

All songs by Life Lessons.
Recorded at ABG Studios in Crown Point, IN.
Produced and engineered by Seth Henderson.
Artwork by Corey Purvis.

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Life Lessons Oklahoma City, Oklahoma

Oklahoma Pop Punk


Life Lessons is:
Kaden Birdsong
Josh O'Dell
Andrew Wasson
Chris Lewis
Alex Akins

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Track Name: Reflecting
Selfishly state that I'm afraid to leave
no longer confident you'll follow me
Honestly, this is what it's like on the other side
of apathy,
reflecting nothing while you feel everything
Honestly, apologies are nothing
looking back won't change anything

But this is not how you'd do things

If I'm distant, I know I've been quiet but
I'm busy digging through my head
Trying to find what I made myself forget
pick back up where we left
or leave the past where it is
Remember just enough to know how to forgive
No matter how this ends tonight you won't forget

How could you forget?
If you even look at me the same again

Selfishly state that I'm afraid to leave
no longer sure that you care if I stay
Track Name: Say Pretend
Collect your bags, your clothes, your makeup
forget the good things for the sake
of making me feel like I'm made of stone
What's so wrong that your first thought
is I should leave?
Am I so different from before
that you expected more from me?

Did you expect something more from me
Did you see it in my eyes as you sat with me
Did you hear it in my voice or in memories
From back when it was easy to fall asleep?

When we fight no one's the winner
if I've said you're right you just don't remember
I'm starting to think you say I’ve given up
because you're giving up on me
she said you're giving up on me

Go home get some rest
we'll talk when I clear my head
or you could drive back instead
we'll talk it out or as you say pretend

We'll talk it out, we'll talk it out
We'll talk when I clear my head
or as you say pretend

I want to leave
but if I do then it's over
when we're alone together
we're alone but together
Track Name: Fault
I'll let you swim through my head like the smoke does
if I can swim through your veins
like the feeling of being drunk on a Tuesday afternoon
but it's okay when I'm with you
I feel okay when I'm with you

Tiptoe in your bare feet
past the spot where the air conditioner leaks
End this conversation we're just straining our voices now
end this conversation we're just losing our patience now
Falling apart
I haven't done it in months
and I feel so much calmer now
cause I can break my bones and know you're there
Everyone gets lost sometimes but
you know that you'll find me here
you'll find me here

It's hard to grasp
that everyone around me
wants to stop existing
and I'm right there with them
yeah we're scared but we're honest

I bet you hate it being back in your old room
above the garage
on the steps with your clothes
cause you know
that what you had figured out
lost all momentum with doubt
if it feels worthless it is
if it feels pointless it is
Track Name: Ivy
Did you find out if it was poison ivy?
that mark under your chin
you didn't know how it got there
just a blemish on your perfect skin
We never meant to let go
we just liked to pretend
that we're not scared of the future
you're just as broken as I am
and that comforts me in ways that you could never see

This is not what I'm supposed to be
and I'm not sure what you see in me
you never tell me what you think
you keep that to yourself
so tell me what you want
am I a knight in shining armor
or a boy that doesn't leave you alone?
I'll make the drive every day if I have to
if you let me

So while we lay in bed
for the first time
in a long time
I know I'll ruin it again
just shut your mouth
and try to capture it

All I can think is "I hope this is not the last time"
in the past these moments
have been too good to last
let me forget
I know I said I'm not coming back

The seasons change here in seconds
petals lose all their colors
I'm just too tired to protest
you changed in ways that I don't get
but I'll learn to accept that
you're not the shy girl I used to know

If you're a flower and I'm a tree
you'll never grow at the same place as me
I just think while you live in the moment
I never stop
soak it in and enjoy it
Track Name: Sleep It Off
I'm sorry I was angry
I had a mindset to defend
getting upset with you
without much cause
'cause I was jealous of your friends

It felt right to leave
when I doubted everything
and when I did I felt defeat
I knew I'd lost and I was lost
and for the first time
I felt like you'd lost interest
skipping contacts in your phone list
passing by my name
cause I'm not someone that you miss

You just had to make me miss you didn't you
I just had to fall right back
and give myself no time to think
before all my emotions get the best of me
I'm spitting out teeth
gritted and worn to the point
that I don't know what the point is now

now I'm full of what ifs
give me a second to change the subject
to something I know
I won't forget
because when we talk
I can feel discomfort in the vibes that we put off
cut the tension with a knife
and tell me if you think that it bleeds
'
cause there are parts of me I don't want you to see
no I don't want you to

This is not
the first time I have tried
to reason with myself
for the cowardly nights I spent wasted
awake always thinking of things that I hate
that I could've done different

It's me
it's always me
it's always been me
In my head
this is what we're supposed to be
and I'll accept that this is you
if you accept that this is me

sleep it off
it wasn't love just a crutch
make sure the door is shut
Track Name: I Know What I'm Not
I've been trapped
under who I said I'd be for so long
I got lost in always trying to be what I'm not
I'm afraid
that you want all that I'm not
and you thought I'd change like I did before
but I'm not the type to change anymore

Only I could pick the flower
then damn it if it doesn't die
uproot the thing that I forgot to appreciate alive
'cause I can't hold it together
when your tears start to melt
their way through cracks in your makeup
I know I'm not what you wanted

and if I am then you don't act like you know that
and I know that
so we break down
you don't deserve to have to worry about
if I'll be there when you need me
but you'll still hear me out

don't you dare think I don't know how bad this hurts
and don't you dare think I don't know who hurt who worse
don't trade your guard up for me ever getting through to your head
don't trade for problems and someone you'll wish you hated instead

you'd be better off